Day 90 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/30/2020 – Weight: 135.0 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

What a journey! 90 days of doing the same thing, eating the same food, drinking 1 gallon of water. 90 days of watching my progress… my body change and my mind shift drastically. I could write a book!

Actually, I’m going to! I’m going to write a rough draft and send it to anyone who will publish it… or maybe I’ll figure out how to self-publish. I won’t know unless I try. And even if it never gets widely published, it will be so good for my soul to walk through the healing process.

I am so proud of myself for going on this journey and completing it. 100% effort everyday. Being intentional everyday. Knowing that I can do hard stuff and anything I set out to do. I am truly amazing.

The kids and I got to SLO to visit Mike for his last weekend there. They all had sushi for dinner… I watched and drank the rest of my water. Those are the moments that make me better, stronger, resilient.

90 days of hard… and I’m not stopping. I’m getting better every day.

Was today a success? Yes! I got a lot done, and packed and traveled to SLO.

Watch 90 days of hard work in 37 seconds

Day 89 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/29/2020 – Weight: 135.2 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

ONE MORE DAY! Can you believe it? Today was awesome! My cousin drove all the way to Bakersfield from San Diego to visit. We did a workout, he gave me a signed copy of his new book, and he picked up my dad’s old drum set. It was so fun. We had a good workout and good conversations. He’s a wounded vet and his story is so inspirational. I love being around people who just don’t quit.

I’m exhausted. I look forward to writing a lot more tomorrow as I round out this amazing journey.

Was today a success? Yes.

Day 88 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/28/2020 – Weight: 135.6 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

You’re pretty rad. Like, no one is making you do any of this, yet here you are. It’s awesome. I think you are capable of so much more than you even realize. You are strong, and sometimes you sell yourself short of what you can truly do. You are superwoman! 😉🖤 Not perfect, but pretty dang amazing! So, keep on going! No reason to quit because it’s a certain day. Learn to enjoy yourself occasionally and be okay with that. Because the truth is, you like this feeling of accomplishment a heck of a lot more than just doing whatever you want.

Was today a success? Yes.

Day 87 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/27/2020 – Weight: 135.0 *I DID IT!* – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

Thank you for doing this for me. Thank you for caring enough to show me what tough love looks like. You admitted to failure. You didn’t let it destroy you or control you. You took control of your choices and thoughts. You did hard things until they became easy. I want you to know that this season was a defining one for you. As you heal and begin living in the fullness of who you were made to be, remember this time. Remember how hard you worked and how much you surrendered.

Today’s workouts were good. I got most of my stuff done. I need to film for the Academy tomorrow. Attack list ready! LET’S GO!

I had some really important and draining conversations with my kids. It’s hard being a mom, man!

Was today a success? Yes.

Day 86 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/26/2020 – Weight: 135.2 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

You are coming to the end! Seriously, girl! What in the world!? #1 you look fantastic! Your clothes fit and feel better, you feel confident when you look in the mirror, your workouts are better… the list goes on!

But I think the single most important thing you’ve learned is that your word is your bond. You trust yourself. When you say you’re going to do something you freaking do it!

Another crazy thing going on is the level of personal freedom I feel. Healing even! STORY TIME!

I have forgiven and continue to forgive myself. I have been so judgemental toward myself and others, and it stems from a place of hurt and pain. When I was 6 years old my cousin sexually abused me. He put his fingers down my little girl panties and rubbed them up and down my clit. When I told him to stop he whispered, “You know you like it”, and he didn’t stop. When his sisters suspected something was going on, I lied about it. With my panties half-way down my backside and my innocence stolen, I went to the bathroom to fix my clothes. As I turned away from them I remember thinking, “I bet they can tell my underwear is down.” I now had this awakened and warped view of sexuality. I also had shame and massive distrust for every male besides my father. (TBC…)

Day 85 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/25/2020 – Weight: 135.6 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

Today was good. Emotional again, but good. The message at church had me crying. It was about hate, anger, resentment and how to deal with it. Afterwards I went to the Outlets at Tejon and found a super cute jean jacket for $33!!! I also got a pair of legging/joggers and a shirt.

Body Combat was fun this morning. I tried doing yoga for my second workout but I ended up only being able to do 19 minutes, then I walked the rest of the time.

This last bit of time has been the most challenging by far. I’m so mentally drained on one hand, and yet it also feels like it’s all so normal on the other hand. I’m excited to finish, take a break, and see what sticks!

I like the structure, so I plan to keep at least some of that forever.

The kids are back and Mike is home for the evening. God is good and I’m grateful.

Was today a success? Yes.

Day 84 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/24/2020 – Weight: 135.8 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

What a day! You were kind of an emotional basket case today. You cried multiple times. There’s a stirring in your heart, a rumbling beneath the surface. It’s like things are shifting, similar to an earthquake. All these years of pain and shame and regret are coming to a head. God is going to make something beautiful and priceless from them.

Kintsugi – using precious metal to fix brokenness

The coolest thing happened. I was listening to a podcast while prepping some food, and the guest got me all hyped up. So, I paused the podcast and got my Bible. It’s been so long that I didn’t know where to start. So, I thought, “Esther, I love Esther. I’ll start there”. I flipped to Esther, but saw Nehemiah and felt a strong pull to read Nehemiah. I kept it open to that, started the podcast again, and prepped the rest of the food I was working on. Not even a minute into the show she starts talking about Nehemiah! I halted. Set everything down. Paused the dang podcast again and cried. God has been speaking to me like that all day in small ways. It is incredible and so refreshing to know He still cares about me.

Was today a success? Yes.

~BodyCombat was fun; doing it again tomorrow.

Day 83 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/23/2020 – Weight: 136.6 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

Yeah! Today was good! I was part of the business boutique live event. I still wish I could have gone, but it is what it is. I still dressed up super cute like I would have, if I had gone. And I participated in the online community.

I got one workout in before the event, and one after.

I’m super tired right now, so I’ll keep it short. I love 75 Hard and I have benefited so much from it. I can’t wait to start phase 1 in January.

Was today a success? Yes.

Day 82 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/22/2020 – Weight: 136.6 – Waist: 27!!

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

I’m alone right now. It’s so weird! I have only been alone one other time at night. I can’t say I like it much. I attended a live stream for a conference I’m supposed to be at right now in Nashville, TN. I bought the tickets back in December, then Covid-19 happened. What a load of crap this whole thing has been.

Anyway, I’m so thankful for technology and I’m praying it works well for me tomorrow and Saturday. Workouts were good. I recorded the W.O.W. but the sound was not great. I might scrap it and record it again.

Overall, I feel amazing. I love living and feeling like this. The structure and the discipline. Now, I need to transfer this to business and I’ll be golden.

Was today a success? Yes!

Day 81 of 75 Hard

STATS:

Date: 10/21/2020 – Weight: 136.2 – Waist: 27!!

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

Well, today started later than expected. I woke up at 5:50am. Not my favorite, but I made the most of it.

I got all of my 75Hard done, schooled the kids, did housework and finished a YouTube video. Oh, and checked in with my members.

Today was good overall. I’m tired! I decided to cut my caffeine off around 1pm. It was hard, but a good choice. I’m going to keep that rule for most days. Possibly 2pm. Yeah. No caffeine after 2pm unless I’m on vacation and I need to stay up past 10pm.

Workouts were Sprint/yoga, then arms with a run/walk wearing the vest. Both were good. Tomorrow I’m doing BodyCombat in the moring and filming a W.O.W. for my second workout. I might do that after the kids leave…. or film the morning workout and do BodyCombat for the second workout. I like that better!

Was today a success? Yes.