STATS:

Date: 10/26/2020 – Weight: 135.2 – Waist: 27

ENTRY:

Dear Future Heaven,

You are coming to the end! Seriously, girl! What in the world!? #1 you look fantastic! Your clothes fit and feel better, you feel confident when you look in the mirror, your workouts are better… the list goes on!

But I think the single most important thing you’ve learned is that your word is your bond. You trust yourself. When you say you’re going to do something you freaking do it!

Another crazy thing going on is the level of personal freedom I feel. Healing even! STORY TIME!

I have forgiven and continue to forgive myself. I have been so judgemental toward myself and others, and it stems from a place of hurt and pain. When I was 6 years old my cousin sexually abused me. He put his fingers down my little girl panties and rubbed them up and down my clit. When I told him to stop he whispered, “You know you like it”, and he didn’t stop. When his sisters suspected something was going on, I lied about it. With my panties half-way down my backside and my innocence stolen, I went to the bathroom to fix my clothes. As I turned away from them I remember thinking, “I bet they can tell my underwear is down.” I now had this awakened and warped view of sexuality. I also had shame and massive distrust for every male besides my father. (TBC…)

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